Lessons in Luck

I went to a funeral today.

I had learned a very valuable lesson from this man years before and wanted to say thanks and pay my respects. Back when I was younger and more aggressive I read quite a few books on self-improvement and charting your destiny. I had begun to believe that we make our own luck, that we controlled our circumstances by attracting into our lives people and events according to our attitudes and habits.

Then my friend Walt lost his daughter. She was the light of his life, young and beautiful with everything to live for. She was killed by a drunk driver while parked at a stoplight. A short while after that the company he worked for laid off their entire workforce. All of this happening to one of the most honest and friendly folks I ever met. A dedicated family man, a veteran who served his country, worked hard and never had a bad word to say about anyone.

It was a great lesson for me, I threw away the motivational books I had been reading and witnessed a real person work their way back from some of life’s toughest blows. The thought that this man had made his own luck was an absurdity. He took a job that I had just left and we spoke often for a few years afterwards. I watched him work his way back from despair slowly over time. Eventually he found other reasons to be happy and lived well for another couple of decades.

I will always think about him anytime I hear about someone making their own luck, I just don’t buy it. He made the best of his life, but luck did not have much to do with it.

Doing the Right Thing... Hopefully

It’s taken me a long time to write this article, mostly because I was just not sure where to start or even what to write. It has to do with doing, or rather not doing the right thing. I was at lunch with a friend last week, minding my own business when a very disturbed young lady sat down in the booth next to me. At first she just sat by herself and mumbled, but over time her mumbles grew into sobbing out loud and then laughing hysterically.

As I ate and tried to hold a conversation with my friend I grew more and more uncomfortable. Sometimes I was fearful thinking to myself; “What is wrong with this person?” Other times I was angry, wondering why this person had to act like an idiot while I was trying to enjoy some well-deserved rest and relaxation.

But mostly I was in turmoil, what should I do…should I help or should I run? In the end I left the restaurant upset at myself for leaving and disturbed that I didn’t do something, but believing I was probably correct. Although not totally sure I did the right thing, because here I am a week later, still writing about it.

The picture above is of a veteran who hangs out at a local shopping center and asks for money on a regular basis. He is another source of inner turmoil. I am certain that he truly is homeless, really is a veteran and definitely has issues which prevent him from having a regular job.

On the other hand he is there virtually every day, refuses to go into a shelter and won’t change the life he leads regardless of how much money I give him. I sometimes feel compelled to give, but don’t because it does no good.

There is no better feeling than helping someone and knowing that you have made a difference, but sometimes that feeling is missing. Which means then I have to decide based upon a set of guidelines I have established for myself over the years. We should try to do what is right, not what feels good. The problem is deciding between right and wrong. Sometimes it’s easy and I want to roll down the window and shout, “get a job.” Sometimes I am humbled and wish I had more to give, knowing that you are truly doing the right and noble thing. But most of the time it’s a struggle between giving up something you have to someone you’re not sure about.

And so I have decided to share this with all of you. Normally I wouldn’t because no one likes to read an article without an ending, or even a decent conclusion, which I don’t have in this case. But that is the point. Sometimes you just have to muddle through. And I am certain that many of you have experienced the same thing but no one likes to talk about it. So let me encourage you, if all you did this day, or week, or month is muddle through, you are not alone.

I once sat on a beach many thousands of miles from here, speaking to a man who had never seen a big city or even a large town for that matter. They had electricity for a couple hours a day and lived on a pittance of what would be normal in America. We had no problem talking, he cared about the exact same things I did. His wife, his kids, his home, family, church and making it through the winter to the next spring when work would start up again. The longer I live the more I am convinced that there are no original thoughts, we just forget things and then think of them again.

Sure, sometimes we have flashes of brilliance -- and they are wonderful, inspirational even. But most of the time I think our job is to just keep moving forward. So muddle on my friends, keep moving forward between your flashes of brilliance, and enjoy them when they come. They are a like the feeling of new clean sheets on a night when you are bone tired, they are a moment to be savored.